by Lisa Holldorf
Try to imagine a picture in your head when you think of marriage.
If you are now thinking of a romantic ceremony, a forced marriage or even an abduction, might depend on your cultural background.
The lucky and golden picture of marriage which is shown and used in western entertainment and marketing industry, presents a dream.
A dream to achieve a better life and a symbol which describes positive feelings such as hope, trust and security. Couples should think of how happy and lucky they will become after getting married and after paying a whole amount of money for the bridal dress, the wedding ring, the location, the food catering and everything else for the big event.
While spouses become a better version of themselves, all businessmen and businesswomen, involved in marriage business, earn enough money to fix appointments at the couple therapist who himself desperately needs a divorce lawyer.
There exists a whole amount of websites where you can find help for challenging your divorce, marriagedivorce.com is just one example.
Nobody wants to know about the truth which includes ideas of divorces and therapies, the unwanted but inalinable consequences of marriage, because everybody wants to put on rose-colored glasses and is even denying the relationship problems as a result of marrying while having a therapy at the couple therapist.
The most important question is not if the couple is going to stay together for the rest of their lifes but the question of preparing the proposal. The proposal is debated by feminists, why does it still depend on the initiative of men?
In history, proposals have been part of the business of marrying. They were even made with the parents or decided by the parents. But today proposals have become part of the whole big happening around the ceremony of getting married. Proposals are made in hot-air balloons,while bungee jumping or diving.
- People develop interest in watching foreign people making a proposals or failing in making proposals.)
And how you create the proposal nowadays is an announcement and warning, how big and special your wedding is going to be.
I recognize a difficulty. On one side, people keep their romantic ideas of marriage and don’t even dare, they just do not want to think reasonable . On the other side, marriage is a presentation of how much money you have and how individual and special you can create and organize an event.
Different reasons to marry are for example financial, spiritual, religious, legal, social
or emotional purposes. The person you choose to marry is chosen either parental
choice, rules, social determinations or emotions. In western culture the reasons to marry another person are usually love and an interpersonal, sexual relationship. But in other societies, the husband and wife are chosen by parents, any sexual activity is forbidden before marriage.
There always has been political discussion about marriage in all countries and all different cultures of the world for example the question of homosexual marriage.
The political discurs of homosexual marriage has been strong in some parts of the
world and still is present and not finally discussed. Parties for example use their opinion about that topic in campaigns to gain the elections.
New about the keyword “marriage” is the whole business behind it. Nowadays there exists a trend of marrying and a new form of merchandising and marketing in western cultures. It is an incredibly important event, so there are eventmanagers, magazines, designers, locations, fairs and way more aspects involved in the whole process.
Marriage has always been a strong keyword in and for societies. Marriage is a union, legal contract or process by which people establish rights and obligations between them and the state. But its value and meaning changed over time and different epoches. This article briefly gives an overview of marriages history.
I defend my keyword “marriage” because it is a huge part of our society and it also has a strong presence, for example in the german law. Marriage is grounded in society. The value of marriage is enormous: In germany for example foreigners are allowed to stay here if they are married with a german. That shows the status and significance in our society and in the whole world
In the 70s in Germany, marriage was not common and valuable for young people. They prefered kind of free love and freedom in their lifes. And the young people wanted to stand against norms of society, against the generation of their parents. That behaviour changed and today the majority of young people want security. Nowadays most of them follow the dream of the „American way of life“, which includes matrimony, children, a house and a big car.
The challenge of marriage is a question of human rights, the question if there should exist the right to everybody to decide about his own marriage if you want to marry, who you want to marry and at what age you want to marry. It might be the choice of each individual to make this decision.
1. This article gives a good overview of the debate about same-sex marriage and how the meaning changed over years.
2. This video shows a short summary, made by Alex Gendler, about the history of marriage at the TED conference.
3. “Freedom to Marry“ has built a critical mass to fight for and support the legalization of same-sex marriage in different countries.
4. Myths about marriage give unrealistic hope to people. This article shows realistic disappointments that are possible.
5. There might be two decisions: to stay married but unhappy or to get divorced and become happy. Here you will learn a lot about positive effects of divorces.